Yes. I am obsessed with the thought. I have been since a very long time. For me, femininity was more of a 'wanting' than a 'necessity'. Its such a beautiful way of living. Grace, elegance, patience, gentleness, empathy, sensitiveness (even Wikipedia agrees with a few)...they are some of the many fragments that when woven together results in femininity.
But as much as I wish to be feminine, I am au naturel at being the very antonym of all those words listed above. Okay I am all of them in certain situations...but they all have a very short time span.
GRACE : I am at its pinnacle when I try my hand at dance...Mostly I keep dancing the Bharatanatyam way unconsciously unless a 'peppy' song comes my way. (I ditch grace and shake my neck the 'robot' way).
ELEGANCE : Oh! You 'ought' to see me saree-clad! My hips curve in automatically, my hands stop being haphazardly thrown in air when I walk (err...more of a cat walk) and i hardly frown and smile generously!
(HONESTLY, none of them are fake...what can I say...its the saree effect!) The moment I slip into my tracks,...i guess you all can guess...
PATIENCE : Wait! 'THIS', I am! (Having said this, I exclude all my day today encounters with Amma). YES. I start implementing the patience virtue from 'self'. YES. I am easily the most loved person on Earth, but only 'I' know how much of an effort it takes 'at times' to loathe me! And this virtue of mine extends to my friends, acquaintances, arts etc.
GENTLENESS : Okay...uh....hmmm...errr....hmmm...Sigh!!!! I GIVE UP! I am sorry! Not even 1 single significant moment in my life where I have acted gentle! Oh wait! Yes...with BABIES!!!( I restrict them to homo sapiens and domestic animals). I am gentle when I cuddle and fondle. But who isn't???
As gentleness is an optional antonym to being loud, I again do not possibly fit this tag. Its a LOUD NO NO. I am loud in all respects. Be it my 'famous' ringing laughter, the size of my mouth opening while uttering 'the most' gentle words (you see me talking and you would easily believe the 'Yashoda seeing the world in little Krishna's mouth' tale) and my arguments with people (they are just loud. Not harsh).
P.S - With mom, its mandatory loudness.
EMPATHY : Hmmm...Tricky one. I empathize seldom. But when I do, I really do. Most of the times I am better off asking people to stand up for themselves instead of saying,"Oh...I understand"..."Poor you"...."That is soooo hard for a girl" and shit like that.
SENSITIVENESS : Most of the times, this word is obliviously coherent with being 'fragile'. I have stopped going forward with baseless assumptions. So considering the literal sensitiveness, I do have it in me. NO. I am not talking about being sensitive to people's harsh words or to the harsh merciless sun that gives me a tan above my naturally tanned skin! I am highly sensitive to Art-all kinds.
All these observations and realizations make me wonder in what way am I feminine internally. Then I revolted against accepting the standard guidelines of being feminine. Apparently all these tags that are supposedly describing the essences exist majorly in Art. Paintings, poetry and sculptures have frozen these momentary femininity. Living by these tags every second of the day in today's extrovert world is as impossible as matching the speed of light (hopefully I do not evoke the physicist in you)!
I conclude stating that 'femininity' and 'masculinity' do not lie in these 'once' generally observed adjectives. Its all lies in the 'testosterone'. You can have a masculine or a feminine body. But how feminine you 'feel' lies only in the hormones. I feel very much feminine in spite of greeting the guys by slapping their back, greeting my girl friends by spanking their butt (its a 9 year old habit I just cannot get rid off), lifting heavy baggage for my parents and having a gently visible mustache. Yes. I have understood femininity the right way.