You Never Know

Her eyes were fixed on the scan reports for a good 5 mins. I could make out that she had deciphered what it was in a minute but she was taking time to frame the sentences right in order to save me from a heart attack. She finally looked at me, from above her square spectacles that was almost about to slip off her waxy perfectly sculpted nose and heavily sighed.

"Your daughter has been smoking." She immediately broke the eye contact and continued," Tch. I really dont know what to say about these kids of today's times. Just cannot understand what they want of life". Unconsciously removing her glasses, she appealed, "Dear. Please dont get mad at her. Please dont. I am a mother and I know what you are going through right now trust me. Yet I advise you with some hope that you will be easy on her. Parental pressure is not what she needs right now. Its YOU who she needs."

I involuntarily gave out a chuckle. That's the last thing any independent woman of her age would want. A parent by her side. Of course I don't believe what she said. I mean, I cant. My daughter and cigarettes! I thought she would be smart enough to stay away from them after witnessing what I and my husband go through every day for this stealthy habit of his. I asserted the doctor with a smile and silently collected the reports from the perfectly transparent glass I have seen in a really long time, apart from the one at my home that is.

I walked back home. Ideally I should have taken a bus or an auto for the 4 km stretch. But I needed time. Aaah! It was one of those moments where I wished I could freeze time. The other time I felt this was when I sang very mellifluously besides my grand father's deathbed. I needed time to script what I should be talking to her after reaching home. So how was I going to go about it? Should I make her feel guilty by confessing how much of my trust she has betrayed or should I just not talk at all and play it safe by letting her initiate it once she comes to know that I was disturbed? Oh well I was shattered to be quiet honest. Too much of time freezing fantasy made me check the time. It was 5.45 pm. I couldn't help but ridicule myself about dreaming about freezing time and literally let an hour flow by me! Oh dear God I needed to light the velakku* before it strikes 6! I stopped thinking all of a sudden and marched towards home. It was 6.03 by the time I could manage opening the door. It was ajar.

There she was, sitting like a frog in front of the velakku. She was bending gracefully over it and was about to put out the lit matchstick. She carefully protected the flame with her long and artistic fingers till the breeze abated. Were those the very fingers that held the disgraceful cigarette? How could it be! As I wondered, she replied, "Too late Amma." That killed me.

Velakku* - The traditional diya one can find in an Iyer/Iyerngar's home.

Let Us Be.

Love is a necessity. Its probably one of those 'I don't know why but I need it' kind of a thing in our lives. But how needy can one get that it completely over shadows the other silly-cute-small beautiful things that happen at every moment in one's life? Why are we blinded for that one desperate moment? Its unforgivable to allow ourselves to let one of the many kinds of desperation to take over us so much that we miss those priceless irreplaceable happy moments that we encounter everyday.

I find love all around me. I do not want to sound spiritual or self-realised but then though I am neither yet, I honestly do. I feel the love when a dog wags its tail at me. I feel the care when a tenderly leaf settles on my shoulders from a tree far above. The breeze constantly kiss me with concern. Trust me I am not being romantic here. I am being me. Just the usual me. At any given point of time. Okay enough about me.

I am no one to preach about love. But I definitely know how one can be happy when one is or isn't in love. There is nothing deep or profound to talk about it. But depth and profoundness is how it begins, only to find that its the most uncomplicated and liberating things that can happen to you. Love is the only cure for the kind of world we are living in right now. It has always been 'the' cure. Love is best felt when there is a lot of 'giving' involved with absolutely nil expectations. Its the toughest of things to agree to, but when one is involved in this divine act, one would realise this is the only way to feel free; free of burden, free of unnecessary thoughts, free of wanting and free of endurance. 

Love is an experience. It always ensures happiness. If it hurts us, then we are to be blamed. Its because we expect something out of it. Its because we depend on someone else too much to make us happy that we can't continue the way we are when they leave us all on our own without a warning. Its because we never love ourselves enough to sustain for long. Its because we cannot accept people for who they truly are. Its because we are greedy for love. Its because we 'want' it. 

Love need not always be associated with romance. Love is only minutely different from devotion. Love stays when there is faith, when there is no mind work and when there is a willful surrenderance.

 Let us stop thinking. Let us give ourselves the love that we all deserve. Let us let love answer the door to all the problems in our lives. Let us acknowledge love from every possible entity around us. Let us be. Just be. 

The picture and the quote are by me.

Life, death and the Immortal virus.

And Death shall be no more;

Death, thou shall die!

----------------------------------

And Death shall be no more,

Death thou shall die.

Repetition? No. Noticing the punctuations? Yes. Is that the only difference? No. You might pelt stones at me but I am forced to say that the difference is as huge as Shakespeare's and Hellen Garner's works. That is what I learnt today after watching Emma Thompson re-living her life whilst battling her insidious ovarian cancer of the 4th stage with pernicious side effects.
  
WIT (2001). Life and death begin as mere entities that may give birth to a complex body of work with a lot of scope for word play. They seem abstract. They seem to make Poetry. Slowly, they become personal; so personal that there lasts no more word plays or abstraction. Humanity takes over creativity. Feelings take over grey matter. Emotions take over a strong will. Emma Thompson aka Vivian Bearing is the kinds who makes fun of her own misery. Plain cold humour. One can't help but have a silent dialogue with her at every point of the movie as she talks to you, eye to eye. Mostly the eye talks louder. You will find yourself looking into a pair of assertive blue eyes, that does not express in sync with the emotions that her words express. She is tough. She likes it that way. She renders the words life,death and eternity with the same tone as if they are mere words. I would give it to you if you could watch the movie without finding yourself in the same room as of hers by the end of it all.

Dialogues and delivery take the limelight. You better free all your senses while sitting to watch the movie. No multitasking shall take place. It shall be you and Vivian having a dialogue for the next one and a half hours. You are allowed to weep, laugh and talk to her in those one and a half hours.There shall be moments where you might feel sorry for Vivian while she has brief but tough times with the indifferent, information rich and research hungry physicians. While their insensitivity might evoke sympathy in you, it evokes amusement in Vivian. You should be getting to know her better now. The dialogues are painfully funny and 'wit'ty. To decide what to be done after your heart stops, whether to get your chest pumped out and triggering the heart to function or to let it go, while wetting your bed out of fear is a situation Vivian is put in. Beat that.

Be prepared and toughen up to watch this masterpiece. Hey watch it anyway. Its worthy of a disturbed mind and a few sleepless nights. WIT is magnificent. It is on the face. Watch it 'atleast once' before you die.

MOVIE : Wit
DIRECTOR : Mike Nichols
ACTOR: Emma Thompson
Picture Courtesy : Cantstopthemovies.com

SHE is the MAN!

Everytime you reach that milestone you have set for yourself and are just about to bask in glory, you come across someone who has done it all and is calm about it. I mean, whats their problem? Why do they have to intimidate us so much? Yen? Kyun? Why? Ahem. *drinking jillu thanni*#tamizh


Well this post is all about that one woman in my life, who would give any man, a competition in the highest degree of masculinity. She is THE man. She is SHARADHA. Sharadha Sridharan- my sister (2nd cousin). A rowdy daughter of Mr. Sridharan, one of THE most soft spoken, loving and gullible father I have ever come across in my life. She is busy giving exams for CA and has the b...ahem, 'guts' to take time out for her unexplainable passion for the man's game - CRICKET. She has even been on TV and has given a very heart melting interview on women's cricket. I had a tough time battling with her attitude and convincing her to let me interview her. I had to edit it a dozen times to make it sound formal and delete all the 'swear' words she used while replying to my very genuine kossins (questions). Here you go!

When did you develop interest in cricket?

I used to watch a lot of matches since childhood; almost since when I was 3. I used to play amongst guys in streets from the age of 10. I slowly developed a keen interest and felt a strong urge to play for a team at a higher level.

When did you decide to take it to the next level?

Only after I joined college did I discover a women’s cricket team. This seemed as an open invitation to me. My seniors such as Thirushkamini who has represented India helped me develop as a player by giving me enough opportunities to play in college matches.  

When did you get the first opportunity to play at a higher level?

I was 17 when I got my first chance to represent Tamil Nadu in the ‘Under 19’ category. The matches were held in Andhra Pradesh at Ananthpur. I felt extremely proud and elated that I have started living my passion literally.

Tell me about your first achievement in cricket.

That came along when I played for the University Of Madras in Gwalior. I took 6 wickets for 18 runs. Till date, this performance remains close to my heart. We eventually won that match.

Which one are you best at? Batting/bowling/fielding?

I love fielding but I am naturally good at batting. Bowling always comes last.

What have your parents to say about this passion of yours?

They have been unbelievably supportive throughout. What moved me a lot was they did not say a word when I missed my CWA inter exams for the sake of State matches held at Goa for 10 days. I am planning to write them this June.

Tell me about your academic background.

I am a Commerce graduate pursuing ACS and ICWA. I have completed ACS inter. I am very much looking forward to completing both of them successfully at least before 40!

So thats about it. I got an unexpected chance to photoshoot her with her equally rowdy team mates in action. Check out the TIGRESS CLUB.

P.S: This is one of the new ventures I have taken up. I interview people who do what they love in spite of their mundane professional life. It inspires me to never give up on my passion(s) in life. See you all soon with my next post :)

P.S.S: Jillu thanni - chill water

Why I LOVE myself

Its such an easy thought. But my answers can get a little edgy. Read on!

I am nice. 

I am eccentric.

I am modern in thought.

I am traditional in dressing up.

I am a free thinker.

I am an enthusiast.

I look up to all.

I learn from all.

I am happy and generous.

I love in a manner that is effortless.

I am simple.

I am easy.

I don't expect.

I am unexpected.

I am vast.

I am a mystery.

I appreciate.
I set high standards for myself.

I like what I do.

I do what I like.

I love my old friends.

I make new friends.

I move on.

I hold onto my precious past.

I am a listener.

I am a talker.

I am non-sense.

I am philosophical.

I live life to the fullest.

I let life lead me.

I multitask a lot.

I am restless.

I am social.

I laugh a lot.

I am spontaneous.

I am unstoppable.

I am full of ideas.

I create and redefine.

I am a burst of colour.

I am a black and white lover.

I revere technology.

I go ga-ga over vintage.

I dont define myself.

I am the undefined.

I am random.

I am a narcissist.

I am a woman.

I am a paradox.

P.S: Oh! You love me too? Cool! I have some company! :D