Saturday, December 10, 2011


"How did you react when the nurse announced that you have given birth to a girl child?" , I asked my mom with my 'almost popping out' eyes. With a genuine and casual smile she replied "I was happy. I had always wanted a daughter. I wouldn't have minded a son but I never 'wanted' one."

You can say it is in blood or be mean enough to coin a 'feminist' tag on me.

I do not care if I am married or a single mother.
I do not care if my husband would be okay with it or my family for that reason. 
I do not care if she would attract all sorts of 'sick' guys around her in her adulthood
or snap at me to stay out of her life.

Its a desire which I cannot attach any logic to. I have never really taken any pains to understand this firm and overwhelming love for her. It has sprung out of the blue. Quite frankly I am surprised by this unreasonable yearning even while leading an 'enduring' life with my mom. She is a great woman no doubt. My friends would pounce on me if I complain. But living with her 24*7 under one roof devoid of bickering and yanking is a challenging feat. My problems, my headache. I am moving on with my 'urge for a daughter' topic.

Image Courtesy:

I find myself dreaming of names for her in my lone times. I imagine dropping her at school and other places of her interests in my scooty. Most of the times, I have a vision of her lying on my lap and discussing with me about men and women in her lives. There have been flashes of us enjoying a concert or a movie and having difference of opinion. 

Image Courtesy:

I would want to learn new means of enjoying life from her. 
I await the day when she would intimidate me and I would ask her advice before taking sensitive decisions.
I would trust her decisions and actions and give her the freedom to think for herself after voicing my opinion. I would not think twice to bunk office on a random day and walk hand in hand with her along the beach.
I would stay awake to watch her sleep until my organs take control of me. 

Mother and daughter snuggle together in bed while laundry hangs to dry.
Image Courtesy: Nat Geo

I feel a warm hand wrapping me from behind, getting cozy up to me and sleeping in spite of having her own room to have her private moments.
I see her body maturing and she blossoming into a young woman unaware of her own beauty.
I see her standing in front of the mirror and appreciating her looks only to grow more bolder and assertive of herself.
I see a picture of her and me on her wall, nestled in a million wallpapers and pictures of her friends and role models.

I find her fetching me a cup of tea on a Sunday morning with the right amount of sweetness I enjoy.
I find joy in helping her clean her room and smiling to myself while accidentally finding love notes from guys.
I find myself sitting with her amidst the half cleaned room and getting nostalgic over her childhood albums found in the act.
I find her constantly comparing her looks with me and feeling elated over how much she takes after me.
I find myself preparing home made remedies for her painful acne and dandruff prone scalp.
I find her inviting me into her room full of teenagers and adamant on me being a part of their fun moments.

But TIME always plays a 2-faced bitch. 

She would make me her first enemy.
She would soon feel old enough to decide things on her own without my knowledge.
She would soon be wanting to experience and learn from life rather than learning from the morals of mine.
She would get physically intimate with a guy and hate me for instilling the unreasonable guilt feeling in her.
She would misinterpret my concern as nagging and begin to act curt with me.
She would want to return home late at night and expect me to not question her behaviour.
She would blame me for not encouraging her dreams of whimsical nature and conclude that I am jealous of her life.
She would hate letting me touch her tresses.
She would wear clothes for fashion rather than for comfort and get me worked up.
She would want me to leave her alone. 

She would want to move out of our home and expect me to understand the dire need of her independence.
She would ignore my calls whilst having the time of her life at an unknown place.
She would discover life in its most beautiful form and struggle to find the right person to share the feelings.
She would find that all have their own busy lives and none would be perennially interested in listening to her thoughts.
She would have every possible thing to lead a content life and would end up missing an irreplaceable warmth.
She would come back to me with tears of forgiveness.
She would become my mother.

The thought of writing this post was in my mind since a month. It took me so long to finally write them because these thoughts never occurred collectively to me. Each day I would get hit by two or three lines that would move me and I would jot them on a piece of paper in my vicinity. But as I wrote this post, too many thoughts bombarded my mind. I have tried to put them across in the most uncomplicated way possible.
As I started to search for pictures that would best define my lines, I couldn't fight back my tears welling up in my eyes. It was embarrassing and irritating. I was overwhelmed. I have realised that it would be a daughter that would complete me.

The above personally chosen screen captures (I achieved it with the help of VLC player) are from the critically acclaimed movie KANNATHIL MUTHAMITTAL (literally translates to 'Kiss on the cheek')
Apart from witnessing a thoughtful direction by the legend Mani Ratnam, this movie is evergreen to me for throwing light upon a mother-daughter's sensitive relation. The movie is available with English sub-titles. 
My dearest readers. Its my humble request you watch this movie and soak in its after effects for a day. I am as sure as gravity that it would leave you dumbstruck or even worse, choke you.

P.S: There are too many feelings I am going through at this moment which I am unable to express. My vocabulary seems to be negligible. Its frustrating to not be able to share everything I feel. But every word I have typed stems right from my heart. The only effort I took was to choose the right words to do justice to my feelings.

P.S.S: Though I miss the old unique look of my blog, this look seems to be more neat and smells feminine. no? :) 


  1. Remember the Manirathnam movie "Anjali"? :)

    Beautiful post. Although am not married yet, it reminds me so much of my kid sister. Will make sure to call her tomorrow.

    ~ Puru

  2. aha ...what nice picture compilations and what beautiful topic you choose.....i find it to be a very close relationship nature has created ever......

  3. @shadows Galore: oh my! I got to watch that movie again now that you have mentioned it! :D

    @A guilty conscience: Welcome to my blog! :) ANd thank you! :)

  4. hmmm...........thoughi have wonderful sons , i still yearn for a daughter..she is always special......lovely article akil.....

  5. @kals: Among the plethora of relations we share, mother-daughter is def one amongst them! :)

  6. Akila.. I'm speechless.. So many emotions.. And I want a daughter too .. Always wanted one and I hope a daughter is who I have..

    This is beautifully written and the photo's further complement them.. I'm sure you're a wonderful daughter yourself love.

    I'm reading this again. SO much love. So pure. Profound Akila.. I respect you and your writing is brilliant :)

  7. @confused soul: OH MY! I am really glad you read it finally! and double glad that you too want a daughter! :) and about the 'amazing writer' title--- I am not being down to earth. HONESTLY I am yet to do more justice to very word 'writer' itself! I will eventually be worthy enough to be called so :)

  8. AWW.This is such a cute post!!! :) Loved the pictures too.Your new follower :)your new FAN ;)

    1. Oh thank you Jen! I am so glad you liked it :) And fan! OMG! :D

  9. awesome..good..keep writing..God love u

    1. Thank you sir! Please keep visiting :)

  10. by god! this sure is a very very strong urge/desire that you feel - for a daughter.its incredible! i mean, i wanted a daughter (actually i wanted one right after a son because i wanted to give my girl a Big Brother who would be like a father/bodyguard/confidant all rolled into one) but i never felt it as strongly as you are feeling it.

    as for the writing, i loved every line till i came to the 'Time plays a 2 faced bitch' and as i started reading all that, i know .....i dont want THAT to happen :(((

    kannathil muthammittal - YES great movie. though i dont understand a word of tamil, i loved it and 'understood' everything because with a Mani film language is secondary i mean you don't really really need it - he touches you with the images/color/emotions and speaks to us without the need for knowing the words

    1. Wow Sujatha! Thank you is all I can manage to say! :) Yes my urge is still unexplainable. This is just 10% of what i feel! :) Call me a dreamer! :D
      And I am glad you watched the movie inspite of not knowing the language! Must be a true mivoe lover! :)
      " he touches you with the images/color/emotions and speaks to us without the need for knowing the words"---THIS LINE GVE ME GOOSEBUMPS! what a way to sum his uniqueness!!!

  11. Beautifully written. Wanted to write a big comment... but am unable to do so simply because ive got so many things running through my head. One day i shall

  12. ps: am reminded of this mini series by Revathy called 'Penne' (Daughter) shown on TV eons ago.. every one of those stories was so beautifully told and so true even today. See if you can find it.

    1. Hi Vandy! Thanks a ton for that info! I am going to rummage the internet for that series! Thanks again! :)

  13. WOW!!!!
    Sooo beautifully expressed...
    Loved each and every word and emotion of this post...

  14. I know this is an old post, but I just stumbled upon your blog and this appeared in the link within. I'm in tears. Yes I am.

    I want a daughter. I always did and always will. I shall accept a son ofcourse, but its a daughter I shall always want.

    1. Oh my... We seem to have a lot in common woman :)


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