Tuesday, October 28, 2014


"Ahilaaa? Ahilaaa! Ahilaaa???!!! Indha kodumaiya paaren!" ( watch this insanity!)
With a 'tch' I put Charley Sheen (of Two and a Half men) on mute and walked into my Paati's (grandmother's) room and found her sitting at the edge of the bed with her legs bent at her knees, almost touching the floor. Her eyes were protruded and her eyebrows raised making a few folds on her forehead while her mouth was unconsciously open. The last time I saw her this disturbed was when I had very cheerfully asked her when she would die. In my defense I was only 8.
With a perfectly erect spine, she was watching Aamir Khan's 'Satyameva Jatate' on Vijay TV(a Tamizh channel that sincerely dubs all the programs of Star Plus). Aamir Khan appeared to be speaking in Tamizh. It killed me. I couldn't stand there for another second. Just when I decided to do an about turn, I heard a woman talking about how she had to divorce her husband because she realised that she was a lesbian. Awkward #1. I pulled the very common faking a phone call act and got out of her room. I got back to watching Charley and realising that he makes me so gay.

After a good 30 minutes, paati came into the living room and sat next to me. Awkward #2.
"But how is it possible?", she asked meeting me in the eye. Awkward #3. "Paati this is not new. Even during your generation it existed. Fortunately or unfortunately, today's media has too many people employed that nothing escapes their coverage. So do not let this disturb you. Okay?", I replied at the rate of one sentence per second trying to put an end to the conversation. Silence prevailed. I was shuddering beneath my uber cool expression about the whole situation, imagining the next obvious question she would bombard me with. I did not know what to do. I was laughing at serious conversations happening between Charlie and his new girlfriend. I found my fingers and toes crossed in hope. "Do not take me wrong, but how do they satisfy each other?", she asked with a smirk. Awkward #4 to the power 'n'. This was worse that the time when Charlie found that the woman he was about to sleep with was his step-sister. I let out an embarrassing chuckle and switched off the TV. She wasn't giving up.

"Paati life is more than just about getting physical. We are all in search of a true companion who would keep us happy and share our burden. Who we can be best friends with. Who understands you and accepts you for who you are. Who would let you be. Its the soul that matters paati. Not the gender", I spoke emotionally in a soft voice. "Do not bullshit me. People make babies. Homosexuals cannot make babies. Tell me how will they make babies", she ordered me in a serious voice. Damn it! By then I had lost count of the awkward moments. "May be they do not want babies okay?! Maybe they just want something pure! They just need each other's presence in each other's life!", I almost screamed in embarrassment. "So all they do is hug and kiss. Pfft", she said in a rhetoric tone. I nodded my head side to side in sheer hopelessness. "Do you have anything more important to ask or can I resume watching TV now?", I asked in a sarcastic tone. "What is wrong with them anyway? They seem to look perfectly normal.", she continued. "THEY ARE NORMAL PEOPLE PAATI!" I screamed. "They have perfect features! Like you and me! 10 fingers! 10 toes! Everything in place! In the right place!". "Oh! So they are not transgenders?", she asked with an unpleasant expression. I lost it. I did the facepalm act. "Explain patiently. I am only wanting to try and understand your generation.", she said in a very sympathetic tone.

"Forget it paati. You won't understand.". "Try me!", she insisted. I gave in.
"Homosexuals are different from transgenders. A person who looks like me or you can be a homosexual. Its the hormones. Its about how you feel inside. Their feelings do not go with their gender. They feel trapped in an opposite sex's body. How would you feel if you had the body of a man? Your body doesn't make who you are. There are 2 types of homosexuals; one in which one might feel feminine but has a man's body and vice versa. The other is a situation where you have a man's body and also feel manly but you are attracted to the same sex. It is very much normal. Just because you and I are attracted to opposite sex doesn't make them abnormal. There is nothing weird about it. The temple of Khajuraho is a testimony to this. We need to stop getting into the denial mode and make it easy for everyone to lead a peaceful life on earth. We need to empathise with them instead of treating them like an outcast. Always put yourself in their shoes. You will understand."
She gave me a blank look and said, "You are right. I won't understand. Its time for the re-telecast of Mahabharat series. Leave me alone".

It definitely wasn't worth sacrificing Two and a Half Men. I shouldn't have given in.


  1. Poor Paati....so much confusion.
    Poor you, Two and a half me. Sacrificed. .
    Poor Satyamev Jayate.

  2. Well written akhila. Probably these topics on shows are for us to be us and not become patti in our future :)

  3. Awww.. Paati seems to be quite a character, you should start a series on her!

    Aaaaand, welcome back!! :)

  4. Paatti is awesome. At least she tried to understand.
    And, I agree with Cookie... A Paatti series would be awesome

  5. Haha atleast your paati didnt say "Abattam Abattam!!" and tried to understand ! Tell her I said Bale Paati!!

  6. very well written post esp given the subject you dealt with


NO ONE dares to judge you inmy page! so...OUT WITH IT! :)

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